Silence

Dear,

Do you know, nature is a prayer, an inner harmony?

I am supposed to be doing something very important today, at this moment. It is simple in a way. Prepare a word document with 500 words. But that 500 words is so crucial for me. Sometimes it is easy to write a lot, but restricting yourself is so hard. Sometimes it comes quite natural and casual to you. The right words at the right time. Comprehend yourself in few words is the toughest task. I often wonder, is it possible to comprehend our desires, our passion or admiration. If possible what would be the out come? But we always one way or another trying to do it. Every work of art, every conversation, every job is trying to achieve this mission. Compile something greater into a small workable space. We try to put a signature of ourselves in this comprehend work. A bold statement 'This is me'. 

I don't know whether you remember or not, few years back, almost for a decade I used to sign every post of mine, every letter I write , every profile I own as 'Itzme'. I feel proud every-time I see or use that 5 alphabets together.  I always felt there is 'me' in it, or  rather I was uncomprehending myself with it. It was a statement about me, what I am, what I ought to be. Then this person asked me what does 'itzme' stands for. I didn't give him the much elaborate philosophical explanation of Ayam Atma brahma nor did I smile. Instead I listen, for I was so sure, before pondering the question he himself realized my answer and he was ready to defend any answer I am about to utter. Then he asked a second question, ' whom do you love the most?' Both of us smiled. Then he made a statement about me, referring to one of the fictional characters, Dominique from fountain head, 'you are too destructively individualistic and  you can't stand anything in-between and you believe there is ‘you’. In fact it is not true’. At phase of my life he was quite right about me. After that I stopped signing itzme. But I allow that to flow when it comes natural to me. You can't prevent a natural, current can you? So there was a conflict in me suggesting everything is in existence and it is truth. Then there is another side of me, not so convinced arguing there is nothing in existence and everything is so unreal. As a teanger and young mind, I tried to apply this to emotions and relationships. Which again resulted as a failure in my eyes, because I was constructing my own rights and wrongs, in tune with already existing norms. It is later  in my life, I realised what ever happen, every moments we pass, is a blessing, is an experience, is ‘in existence’, and this is what makes us what we are. But we have to prepare ourselves for the right moment.

So Yes , I was talking to you about my struggle in getting a five hundred words together as a one piece of work. And I feel there is something in that struggle which makes my journey worth travelling. So rather than writing something I have decided to open an image I recently took. It was again one of my attempt to comprehend natures bliss to a small frame. When I revisited the image, I was emptying myself, yes I was preparing myself as the ' non existent'. Then I filled myself with every existing energy in the world, I became a prayer, then I started writing the document.

Hope you are  in your space and you became a 'prayer'.

Namasthey,

D.